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Comedy or Tragedy
Which would you prefer
Comedy of course
We love comedy
gags, side splitter, quips, you name it.
Humor expresses our need to be happy
laughter is one of
the things that is best in life
Laughing at ourselves is a gift
Laughing away our troubles
makes them small and insignificant
Laughing and rising above tragedy is winning the life battle
Rising above tragedy is the road to success
An Englishman, Irishman and Welshman walk into a bar.
The barman says
"Is this some kind of a joke?"
Three skeletons walk into a bar
walk right up to the bartender and say:
"Give us three beers and a mop"
Lyla and her "Pals" in her dreams!!
After three years of development and millions
of dollars in venture capital funding, the Amazing Camera is finally being released to the public. Your computer can
take your photograph and develop it in a matter of seconds. Best of all, no camera or special equipment is required.
How does it work? Using patent pending technology
developed by our team of top scientists, you can now use your computer monitor to take a picture of yourself and have it transmitted
directly back to you in a matter of seconds.
Do I need any special equipment? No, the Amazing
Camera works with all computers and web browsers. No downloads are required.
How much does it cost? While we
continue to beta test this revolutionary technology, the Amazing Camera is currently being offered for free.
Hurry, this is a limited time offer!
How do I get started? It's easy,
just click below.
I was just reading through that book
"50 Things to do Before You Die"
and I was really surprised that none of them was
"Scream for help!"
I urgently needed a few days off work
but I knew the Boss
would not allow me to take a leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY"
then he would tell me
to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde)
asked me what I was doing?
I told her
that I was pretending to be a light bulb
so that the Boss
would think I was "CRAZY"
and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss
came into the office
and asked
"What are you doing ?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said
"You are clearly stressed out.
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me
the Boss asked her
"...And where do you think you're going?"
The blonde explained
"I'm going home, too.
I can't work in the dark!"
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
Two television aerials got married.
The wedding was rubbish
but the reception was brilliant!
Lyla, "The Tiger Lady"
goes big game hunting!
Bare handed, are you nuts?
When not big game hunting
Lyla "The Tiger Lady"
works out at home!
If a man says something in the woods
and there is no woman around...
Is he still wrong?
April Fool's Day
By: Kidzworld
April Fools' Day is about more than playing jokes, tricks and pranks.
That's just the most fun part of the day! Check out why we're all so mischievous on April 1st.
April Fools' Day - April Fool's History
In the 16th century, France
celebrated the New Year just like we do today, except they partied-down on April 1st. In 1562, Pope Gregory changed the calendar
to the one we use today and from then on, the New Year began
on January 1st. Lots of peeps didn't know about the new calendar, or they ignored the new calendar and kept celebrating on
April 1st. Everyone else called them April fools and played tricks on them.
April Fools' Day - Fools Around the World
In France today, April 1st is called Poisson d'Avril, which means
April Fish. Children tape paper fish to their friends' backs
and when the young 'fool' finds out, the prankster yells "Poisson d'Avril!" In England,
tricks can only be played in the morning. If a trick is played on you, you are a "noodle." In Scotland, you are called an
"April gowk," which is another name for a cuckoo bird. In Portugal, April Fool's is celebrated on the Sunday and Monday before Lent. Pranksters
usually throw flour at their friends.
April Fools' Day - Practical Jokes For April Fool's Day
April Fool's practical jokes should be done in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The best jokes are the clever ones where
everyone laughs, especially the person who had the joke played on them.
Put food coloring in milk.
Superglue coins to a sidewalk. This works best on an old, worn sidewalk.
Go with a couple of friends, stand near some busy street corner - stare and point up at the sky. Watch the reactions
of people around you!
Time for a paid "Ad"!
(Gee how did you think we bring you free jokes?)
How does the GamePass Free Trial work? This 30 day trial is absolutely free for
all new members, and you may cancel at any time. The trial gives you full GamePass benefits for 30 days, which includes one
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Headlines like this
makes one
want to scratch their head!!!
Two Fat Guys sitting in a bar having rounds of beers.
Fat Guy Billy says to Fat Guy Bob
"Your round!"
Bob quickly replys
"You are too you fat bastard!"
Lyla, steps out, from her
"Wonderland"
and checks out the
"Realworld"
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.....
Not screaming in terror like his passengers."
Batter up: The great American past time.
The carjacker: A badguy learns his leason!
Over and Out: An Air Force story that will soon be completely lost from
your memory.
The first five yards: A shocking look at the game of "FootBall" will
leave you wondering is this really football!!
Running in place: An "Expose" of the sport of running!
A kid takes care of things!: A heart warming story of a son, who
helps his dad build a boat in their backyard!!
If you have NEVER been to Lyla's movie house before in you life. You may not
remember how to view the movies. On the other hand if you do remember, "May the force be with you."
It is easy, Just left click on the movie you would
like to watch and somehow
"Don't ask me how"
it will open in your wam bam media player.
Hint
After viewing
your favorite
all time classic
full featured tiny movie
Take a short break
have some popcorn
and things will
come back to life
Warning
Don't try this
at home
or
in the wilderness
OR ANY PLACE ELSE
We
are watching!!
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
This free script provided by
To see our new "Space Shuttle" in action click on the Play button!!
www.jokes-now.tripod.com
Diner: Waiter, look at this chicken, nothing but skin and bones.
Waiter: What else do you want, feathers?
Diner: I can't eat such rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
"I see," said the blind man
as he wizzed into the wind.
"It's all coming back to me now."
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several
other doctors.
The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the nurse's desk he noticed
that the nurse was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name.
The nurse said, In a very loud voice "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE YOU WANT TO SEE THE
DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed
man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice
replied
"NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR
THAT DID YOURS."
www.jokes-now.tripod.com
The 21st Century Stan and Olie!
A man comes home from a hard days work to find some weight lifting equipment
on the stairs, he asks his wife what the hell she is doing wasting money on workout gear, and she says that they will help
her increase her breast size.
he says "All you need is some toilet paper!".
She seems puzzled.
"Yeah all you need to do is rub the toilet paper between your bust, and it makes
them bigger".
"How do you know?" she asked
"Well look what its done to your butt!"
Hal and Lyla go on vacation to the Alp's.
Before leaving on their great adventure,
Hal told Lyla about the cheap transportation!!
I would like to see you in something
long and flowing
like the river
GOOD OLD IRISH DIPLOMACY
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station.
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day to yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's
a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father,
it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify
the next of kin."
www.jokes-now.tripod.com
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Lyla and Hal's "Stand Ins"
go for a Sunday drive in the country!!
Click on the Play Button.
In case you need a laugh today
A couple was dressed and
ready to go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light
turned on
the phone answering machine
covered their pet bird and
put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned
the local cab company and
requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and
the couple opened
the front door to leave their house.
The cat they
had put out into the yard
scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in
the house because
she always tries to eat the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi
while the husband
goes inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab
the wife doesn't want the driver
to know the house will
be empty for the night. She explains to the driver
that her husband will be out soon.
"He's just going upstairs
to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later
the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says as they drive away. "She
was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger
to get her to come out! She tried to take off
so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket
to keep her from scratching me.
But it worked.
"I hauled her fat butt downstairs
and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked car
www.jokes-now.tripod.com
What did the blonde say
when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Hal perfects "AntiAging" formula!
Hal, also known as "DrTrailNutSo"
works night and day on a anti-aging formula
for Lyla, in his research lab, hidden someplace.
After testing the new Anti-aging formula.
Hal believes, maybe more research is needed!!
The results speaks for its self!!
Acceptable use of the "F" word
When is @#$% Acceptable?
There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has
been considered acceptable for use.
They are as follows:
11. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?"
Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
10. "What the @#$% was that?"
Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
Custer, 1877
8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
Picasso, 1926
6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
Pythagoras, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my butt!"
Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
Bill Clinton, 1998
And a drum roll please............!
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this
@%#*^ing mad."
Saddam Hussein, 2003
You're so fat
you have to put your belt on
with a boomerang!
Your house is so small
when I put the key in the door
I stabbed everyone inside!
Jokes, those funny stories have come down to us from the ages.
Jokes were needed by the ancients, to make life more bearable
Jokes had to compensate for the lack of what we enjoy today.So
why do we need jokes today. It's simple to remember how to
laugh in the face of reality. Life in the 21st century. We give you
more Jokes as a gift from Lyla and Hal.
Jokes can make you the life of the party.
Jokes make people feel good. You connect with people.
Your social skills will improve.
Your friends will be blown
away by your talent and know how.
To get humorous objects, like practical jokes, joke books, tricks and
